Could It Be Any Harder
by CastleTVShowFan
Summary: Life sometimes grants second chances.


Title: Could It Be Any Harder

Author: Lisa

Rating: Must be 13 or older to read this. Mainly due to angst.

Classification: Story, H/M Shipper, angst

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Don Bellisario & co. I am just borrowing them for entertainment purposes. No infringement intended.

Summary: Life sometimes grants second chances.

February 21, 2003

1345 Hours

JAG Headquarters

Harm's Office

Harm glanced over the documents for the umpteenth time. He couldn't believe the magnitude with which the tensions in Iran had intensified. The documents also contained his orders and other necessary information. He was being asked to land in the middle of a war zone half a world away. Not only that, but he was being asked to leave behind someone he cared a lot about.

He glanced up, and there she stood in his doorway. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie; it was hard to believe that three months ago his partner had been promoted to a full colonel.

"Hey, Harm, what are you looking at?"

"Oh hey Mac. It's good to see you. I've been wondering how long I'd have to wait today before I got the chance to talk to you." He was avoiding her question because he didn't want to tell her he was leaving. He'd caused her enough pain to last a lifetime.

"Harm, what's wrong?" she asked, knowing fully there was something more.

"You'd better close the door and sit down, Sarah," he said quietly.

She accomplished both tasks shortly and was now waiting as patiently as she could for him to say something, anything to calm her growing panic.

"There are reports in here about the situation in Iran. Things are only getting worse, and some of our troops are being held hostage, Mac."

"The Navy isn't asking you to go over there, are they?" she asked cautiously, all the while praying he'd say no.

He looked away and then down, because the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. He didn't want to see her tears and know that he'd caused them. Most of all, he didn't want to hear her plead with him to stay right here.

"Harm, tell me the Navy isn't asking you to go to Iran," she said quietly.

"I know I don't have half the flight experience the other guys do, but somebody must trust me. I wish I could sit here and tell you I'm not going, Sarah, but we both know I am. This isn't me returning to a fighter squadron. . .it's me protecting those young troops. Maybe I can free some of the imprisoned. . .and maybe I can't, but I have to try."

"Darn you, flyboy," she said as a few tears slid silently down her cheeks.

"I wish there was something I could say that would take your pain away. You know how much it kills me to see you hurt, especially when it's my fault."

"Don't feel guilty, don't feel sorry for me, Harm. Just promise me you'll come back when it's all over."

"I haven't broken one yet, have I?" he asked with a grin.

"When do you leave?"

"I'm supposed to report to the USS Stockton in forty-eight hours. From there, we'll be going to Iran."

"Let's make the most of the time we have left before you go," she suggested.

"Sounds good, Ninja Girl, but I think we'd better clear it with the admiral."

Admiral Cheggwidden's Office

"Enter," Chegwidden replied to Harm's knock.

"Sir, Colonel MacKenzie and I were wondering if we could have the rest of the day off as well as tomorrow. I have forty-eight hours before I'm to report to the USS Stockton, Admiral."

"All right, Rabb, take your leave and be careful over there, son."

"Thank you, sir," they said in unison.

1430 Hours

Harm's Apartment

"Want a soda, Mac?" he offered.

"No thanks, Harm. I'd just like to sit with you for a while."

"I can handle that," he replied as he made his way to the sofa and sat.

"I want to tell you so many things, Harm. I'm afraid if I don't, then I may never get the chance."

"I'm coming back to JAG and to you when the whole mess is over, Sarah," he said as he looked intently at her.

"You don't know that for sure," she replied emphatically.

"I love you, Sarah," he whispered as he kissed her.

"I love you too, Harm." She looked at the chain around her neck at the same moment that he did. On the end of it was a promise ring that Harm had given her four months before. She wanted him to have it while he was away, but at the same time she wanted a part of him with her.

He knew what she was thinking the minute her eyes met his. "Keep it safe for me, and when I come back home, I'll get an engagement ring."

She kept telling herself she wasn't going to cry, wasn't going to plead, but what she told herself and what she wanted were two different things. She took in some large gulps of air to stop the threatening tears, but it proved unsuccessful. The tears flowed freely down her face as she looked at him.

"Don't leave me, Harm. Please. I nearly lost you the night you were in the Atlantic. . .I couldn't bear to lose you again," she said through her tears.

"You won't lose me, Sarah. I'm coming back home from Iran."

"You don't know that for a fact. No one does."

"I promise you right now that I will spend as much time with you as I can before I leave," he whispered.

1800 Hours

The pair had just finished dinner and were now talking about all that they'd been through together. It was a bittersweet walk down memory lane for them, but at the same time it felt wonderful.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower," Harm stated as he stood up from the sofa.

"I should head home, call it a night and let you unwind."

"I don't think so," he replied with a grin.

"Excuse me?"

"It's a little hard to spend time with you if you're at your place and I'm here, Ninja Girl."

"You have a point," she conceded with an amused smile.

"I'll be right back, jarhead," he said as he made his way to the shower.

Harm came back into the living room wearing a T-shirt and boxers. He walked over to the sofa, only to find Mac fast asleep. The news he'd given her must have been enough to wear her out, not to mention her latest case.

"You just rest, Sarah," he whispered as he stood there watching her sleep. Then he went in search of a blanket and gently covered her with it.

She stirred and moaned softly. "Harm?" she asked as she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Right here, Mac. I didn't mean to wake you," he added.

"What time is it?" she questioned as she sat up.

"1845."

"I really should go home and work on the Collins case."

"Yeah," he conceded with a dejected sigh.

"Of course I could stay here tonight," she proposed.

He was ecstatic at her suggestion. Now he didn't have to feel guilty for having the same exact thought. After all, all he wanted was to hold her. He knew his chances for doing so were running out and he'd spend who knew how many months without the luxury. What was so wrong with indulging in the pleasure?

"I promise to behave myself, ma'am," he said with a chuckle.

"I suppose I should shower and change into something comfortable."

"Would I be pushing my luck if I asked to join you in that shower, Colonel?" he asked with a hint of a smile.

"Yes you would, Commander," she replied with a smile of her own.

"Well then, go enjoy your solitary water spray while I look for something comfy for you to wear, Mac."

As Mac showered, Harm went in search of a clean shirt and shorts. He came up with a T-shirt that said Navy and a pair of white shorts. The Navy shirt wasn't the only clean one, but he was anxious to see her reaction.

"Harm, I'd like some clothes please," Mac requested as she peeked her head around the shower.

He handed her the shirt and shorts, steeling himself for her reaction to the shirt. When none came, he said teasingly, "Didn't you notice the lettering on the shirt, jarhead?"

She glanced at it, then said, "Very clever, squid."

"It's the only clean outfit I have around here, Mac," he lied smoothly.

"Uh huh" was her only reply.

"You decent?" he asked as he stood by the glass blocks.

"Yeah," she said as she came out.

He gave her the once-over and smiled. "Cute, marine."

"I feel like a traitor wearing this," she said with a sigh.

"My lips are sealed, Sarah," he whispered as he gave her a soft kiss.

"I know it's early, but I'm beat sailor."

"You take the bed and I'll sleep on the couch."

"No, Harm," she insisted.

"Excuse me?"

"You said we should spend as much time as we can together before you leave, and it's a little hard to do if you're on the couch," she explained.

"I want to make love to you one day, but tonight wouldn't be right," he said as he looked away.

"I want that, too, Harm, but tonight all I need is for you to hold me."

They fell asleep in each other's arms. For now, they were content but it was in the back of their minds that Harm would soon be half a world away.

February 22

0700 Hours

"Hey sleepyhead," Harm whispered as he planted a kiss on Mac's forehead, "it's time to get your six out of bed."

"Mmm. Morning, Harm," she said as she looked at him and sighed.

"How about we get dressed and grab a doughnut when we get to work?" he suggested.

"Works for me."

0830 Hours

JAG HQ

Mac's Office

Harm knocked on Mac's door, even though it was partway open. "Got a minute?"

"Sure, sailor," she said as she looked up from the huge pile of paperwork.

He closed the door and sat down in front of her desk. "The time's running out, Sarah. I have to leave at 0700 tomorrow morning," he stated as he reached for her hand.

"I know, Harm. If you're wanting me to take you to the airport, the answer's yes. Don't expect me to give you a happy goodbye, though," she added with a small smile.

"You were right when you said we were getting too good at saying goodbye," he said quietly.

"Only that night it wasn't goodbye. . .as much as I told myself that."

"If you don't have lunch plans, I thought maybe I could take you out."

"In case you haven't noticed, squid, it's only 0830," she commented teasingly.

"In a couple hours, jarhead," he replied playfully.

"Sure. How does 1130 sound?"

"Sounds good."

"Now let me work on this case."

"How is the Collins case coming?"

"I think I am almost ready for my client to up and disappear," she replied with a sigh.

"That good, huh?" he said with a flyboy grin.

"I feel like she doesn't trust me or something. If only I could find a way for her to open up."

"I wish I could help you there, Mac."

"It will work itself out soon. . .hopefully. Now, really, get outta here, sailor, or I won't get anything done," she requested with a small smile.

1130 Hours

The last three hours hadn't passed quickly, but they hadn't crawled by either. Mac swore if she had to look at one more piece of paper, she'd go blind from the eye strain. She put down the folder and made her way to Harm's office, all too ready for their lunch.

"Hey, Harm, it's that time," she said quietly as she stood in his doorway.

"Oh hey, Mac," he said as he glanced up.

"So where are you taking me?" she asked.

"It's a surprise," he said as he made his way toward her.

"Ah, I love those."

Garden Café

"Not bad," Mac commented as she took a bite of her burger.

"This is pretty good, too," Harm replied as he took a bite of his salad.

Switching topics, she asked, "Who will get your cases while you're gone?"

"The admiral said he'll split them up. Don't worry, Mac, they won't all go to you," he added.

"That's a relief," she said with a half smile.

He reached for her hand and took it in his larger one. Then he glanced at the chain around her neck. He was wishing at that moment that things were different, that he didn't have to leave her. Why did life have to throw such curve balls and tear people apart?

"You wish for so many things, and sometimes you wish you could stop time," he said quietly. "If I could do that right now, I would in a heartbeat, Sarah. I know the Navy needs me, but so do you."

"I'll be okay. . .when you get back."

She'd said that the night Mic left her. He hadn't been able to be there for her then, and it was the same now. He just hoped he would come back and find he still had her.

"We'd better head back," he said reluctantly.

"Yeah."

1900 Hours

Harm's Apartment

He'd successfully wrapped his cases, filed his paperwork, eaten a little something and showered. Now he had to figure out what to do next. He wanted to see Mac but was also afraid that would make things hard on the both of them. With a sigh, he put on his dress whites, and found himself on his way to Mac's apartment.

1920 Hours

Mac's Apartment

Mac got up from the couch and answered the door. Harm stood there in his dress whites, looking wonderful yet lost. Once she'd recovered from his appearance, she said, "Come in, sailor."

"Thanks."

They made their way to the sofa and sat just inches from each other. If that was a mistake, they would deal with it when the time came.

"You look tired," Mac commented.

In answer, he whispered, "I love you, Sarah" and proceeded to kiss her.

"Don't, Harm. I may just keep you here with me. If you missed your flight then you wouldn't have to go to Iran."

"I'd have to catch another flight, sweetheart."

This time, she kissed him. It was only when the need for air came that they pulled apart. He wanted to burn the feel of her kiss into his memory, because he didn't know how long it would be before he got the chance to have another.

She was trying to burn the image of his face into her memory, because she knew it would be at least a few months before she saw it again.

"Stay tonight. . .please," she whispered as she continued to look at him.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Sarah," he replied as he kissed her again.

2100 Hours

He reluctantly got up off the couch. They'd talked and kissed some more, but now they were exhausted emotionally and physically. He held his hand out to her so he could help her up. She took it and then he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.

Once there, he peeled the covers back and laid her down gently. Then he laid down beside her and just looked at her. Unconsciously, he touched her face and rubbed the tear tracks on her cheeks.

"Don't cry," he said quietly as he continued tracing the tracks.

"It gives the Corps a bad name, I know," she replied with a small smile.

"Make a wish, Ninja Girl."

She closed her eyes and wished as hard as she could. Once that was done, she opened her eyes and looked at him.

Her wish came true the minute he ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her lips softly. She wanted so much more from him, but also knew how vulnerable they both were at the moment. She smiled and sighed, looking into his blue green eyes.

"I wish you didn't have to go," she whispered.

"I don't want to leave you, Sarah, but some soldiers are counting on me."

"I know, Harmon Rabb out to save the world, right?" she asked with a small smile.

"Something like that."

"Let's call it a night," she suggested as she got up to change into pajamas.

He got up and shed his dress whites, revealing a T-shirt and boxers underneath. That done, he slid under the covers and waited for her to join him.

"Night, Sarah," he whispered as he kissed her.

"Night, Harm," she replied as he took her in his arms and held her. She sighed and then added, "I'm gonna miss this."

"Me, too."

February 23, 2003

0600 Hours

"Harm," Mac said quietly as she brushed stray strands of his hair off his forehead, "time for you to get your six out of bed. You have a plane to catch at Dulles in an hour."

He moaned and then slowly opened his eyes to look at her. "Morning, beautiful. Is it time to get up already?"

"'Fraid so, sailor."

He sat up and reached for his discarded clothes. Mac got up and grabbed an outfit on her way to the bathroom. In a short time, both of them were dressed and ready for the trip to Dulles, but neither one was looking forward to it.

0645 Hours

Dulles International Airport

Harm had paid for his ticket and was now sitting in the waiting area waiting for his plane to be called. Mac sat beside him, her hand in his. She hadn't said a word since their arrival, but it was probably for the best.

"Flight 310 is now boarding," came the announcement over the PA.

"That's my flight," Harm said as he stood up.

"Be careful over there, Harm," Mac whispered as she stood up.

"I will. You take care of yourself and keep in touch."

"I think I can do that," she replied with a small smile.

"Flight 310 is now boarding. Final call for all passengers," came the announcement over the PA.

"I'd better go," he said as he hugged her.

She made no reply, for she was on the verge of tears and didn't trust herself to speak just then. She was so torn and hurt inside that she ran from the airport, not even daring to look back and watch him board the plane.

February 28, 2003 13:30

Subject: Hi Ninja Girl

To: Sarah MacKenzie Harmon Rabb been gone 5 days and it feels like an eternity. We'll launch soon and pummel the sites in Iran. Those poor guys won't even see it coming. Not that I feel sorry for them after what they did to our troops - imprisoning at least 10 men that we know of.

Enough talk about this crazy war. How are you? How is everyone else at JAG? I bet my godson is growing like a weed!

I have to go grab some chow and get ready to fight. I'll write again soon.

Love,

Harm

1345 Hours

JAG HQ

Mac had just returned from lunch and decided to check her email. Her face lit up when she saw the message from Harm. She read it and then hit reply.

13:50

Subject: Hey Sailor

To: Harmon Rabb Sarah MacKenzie are things aboard the Stockton? Will you go into Iran soon to look for our troops? It feels like an eternity to me, too, since you left. As you said, enough talk about this crazy war.

Other than missing you like crazy, I am doing well. Everyone here is doing fine; taking care of your cases for you of course. Little AJ is growing so fast! He misses "Uncle Harm" very much.

Harriet is pregnant again, and so far everything is progressing as it should. I just hope this baby makes it. I couldn't stand to see them lose another one.

I should get back to my paperwork. Stay safe and come home soon. I miss you!

Love,

Sarah

March 10, 2003

Mac's Apartment

1930 Hours

Mac had finished her dinner not long ago and was about to take a shower when she decided to check her email to see if Harm had written. She booted up her laptop and logged into AOL, waiting impatiently to hear "You've got mail." After what seemed like forever, those three words were heard and she pulled up her mail folder. There were not one but two emails from Harm.

March 9, 2003 22:45

To: Exhausted

Sarah,

I'm so tired - physically and emotionally - from all that I've seen here. I haven't even been gone a month and already I'm wondering if I did the right thing by coming here. I know it was an order, but maybe I should have said no.

Things aboard ship aren't much better, although I do love the banter between the young sailors and us "retreads". Those boys have the luxury of thinking they're invincible; I don't have that anymore.

As for looking for the imprisoned men in Iran, we're waiting on reports. We may be able to go in tomorrow and find something. For now, we wait.

Sorry if this message depresses you, jarhead, but it's the way things are right now. I miss you, too.

Love,

Harm

March 10, 2003 04:30

To: A new Roberts?

Sarah,

I am thrilled for Bud and Harriet. I too hope that this baby makes it. We may have a goddaughter one day soon, huh? Wouldn't that be something? Give them my best.

Love,

Harm

May 23, 2003

1645 Hours

Mac's Office

The past two months passed with little news and few cases for Mac, but it didn't mean that she didn't miss Harm as much as she had when he left. She kept holding on to the hope that one day soon he'd be coming home.

She decided to email him and find out how things were going. She hoped the situation had improved for the imprisoned men and also that Harm was coping all right.

16:55

Subject: Hey Sailor

To: know it's been a while since we've talked, but I just wanted to see how things were going for you. Any word on the hostages?

When are you coming home? Take care.

Love,

Sarah

17:20

Subject: Hiya Jarhead

To: found five of the troops - there are still at least five imprisoned. The fighting is far from over, and we got word that some of us may have to go into Iran on foot. This scares me because without the protection of a Tomcat, all I have is myself and a gun.

I'm not expecting to be home before August. If I am, we'll consider ourselves lucky.

I wish I could hold you and a kiss would be welcome right about now, too.

Love,

Harm

18:30

To: Kisses

Harm,

Would a box full of Hershey's kisses do? Just kidding. I think this is the best I can do from here. OOOO0

Love,

Sarah

Not five minutes later, another email popped onto her screen.

To: Re: Kisses

Mac,

Nice try, but the only ones this sailor would settle for right now are the real ones.

Go home and eat, then get your rest. I may surprise ya yet.

Love,

H

18:50

To: Surprise?

Harm,

Ooh, I better get out of here then. You know how much I love surprises.

Love,

S

1930 Hours

Mac's Apartment

Mac was just sitting on the couch unwinding from the day's events when the phone rang. She walked over and picked it up, trying unsuccessfully to hide her anticipation.

"MacKenzie," she answered.

"Hey, Mac," Harm said quietly.

"Harm!" she exclaimed.

"I miss you so much, Sarah. I needed to hear your voice," he admitted.

"It's good to hear your voice too, sailor."

"I want you to do something for me."

"Name it."

"Close your eyes. Try as hard as you can to picture me holding you, Sarah."

"I can feel you," she whispered on a contented sigh.

"Hold on to that feeling until I'm home. Right now it's all we have."

"I'll try."

"I don't want to hang up, but I've got a mission coming up soon. I love you, Sarah Elizabeth."

"I love you, too, Harmon Michael. Stay safe."

"Bye, ninja girl."

"Bye, squid."

She sat there holding the phone in her hand, not waiting to place it in its cradle. She'd been given a connection to Harm, however brief, and she didn't want to forget it. What a surprise it had been to hear him. She'd hold that in her memory until he was home.

2330 Hours

Mac booted up her laptop and logged into AOL. She wanted to send Harm a quick email before she called it a night.

To: I love you

Harm,

Thank you for the surprise phone call. It was just what I needed. I love you so much! Your being away is testing that love, but in the end, I think it will be stronger than when you left. That's my hope.

Take care.

Love always,

Sarah

August 23, 2003

1645 Hours

JAG HQ

Mac's Office

Harm had been in Iran for six months. It was six months to the day that he had left her and JAG, and that alone was burned into her memory. She was hoping today he'd write and say he was coming home, but she also knew the chance of that was slim.

16:50

To: Wish I was home

Sarah,

It hurts me to write this to you, but I wanted you to know that I won't be coming home any time soon. I wish I could come home, because I have missed you so much the last six months. It feels like a lifetime.

You said our love was being tested, and you are so right. I hope that we'll be stronger because of that, but if you can't wait for me, I understand.

Love,

H

When she read the last part, the tears came freely. How could he think for even a second that she wouldn't wait for him? She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand and replied to his message.

17:10

To: I'm waiting

Harm,

That's what you said to me the night Mic left, and I just want you to know that I'm waiting for you. I don't care how long it takes for you to come home. . .I'll be here with open arms.

Love,

S

December 23, 2003

1945 Hours

Emails from Harm had been sporadic lately, but it was understandable considering he was on a lot of missions in Iran. Mac sat on the couch thinking of him, and holding on to the hope that soon he would be home and holding her in his arms.

The thought of him made her grab the laptop and log onto AOL just to see if he'd written. To her delight, he had.

14:30

To: Miss You

Sarah,

I miss you so much. Has it really been 10 months since I left you and JAG to come here? It seems like an eternity to me. I wonder if I'll recognize little AJ when I see him.

Not only do I miss you, but I've been thinking of my dad. Thirty-four years ago tomorrow I lost him. I miss not being able to go to the Wall this year. This may be a strange request but could you go for me? I want my dad to know the woman I love.

I better go for now.

Love always,

Harm

20:30

To: Miss You too

Harm,

I miss you too and yes, it was ten months ago today that you left me. I try not to think about that - try as hard as I can to concentrate on you coming home, but it's getting harder and harder to do that.

I'd love to go to the Wall and be with your dad, but let's go together when you're home.

Love always,

Sarah

January 2, 2004

0800 Hours

JAG HQ

Mac wasn't prepared for the sight that met her when she walked into the bullpen on that brisk morning. Everyone was standing around, and the admiral had a sullen expression on his face.

"What's going on, sir?" she asked as she walked up to her commanding officer.

"We just got word about thirty minutes ago that Commander Rabb has been killed," he said quietly.

"Wh what?" she asked, disbelieving.

"Colonel, why don't you come into my office?" AJ suggested.

She complied, but only because her body was on auto-pilot. She felt numb and disconnected, unable to make sense of what the admiral had just told her. The information wasn't true. . .it couldn't be. A little over a week ago, she'd received an email from Harm. He couldn't be dead. . .could he? She was sure he wasn't, because she would have felt hollow inside.

"Mac, I know how hard this must be for you, but Harm was killed. He got into a situation and an Iranian shot him."

"No!" she screamed, finally giving into the tears she'd fought so hard to keep at bay.

"I'm sorry, Mac."

"He's not dead, Admiral. He's not," she repeated the phrase over and over, shaking from her continued sobs.

"Don't let this tear you apart, Mac. He'd want you to go on."

Her only reply was a whispered, "He's not dead."

"Take the day off, Colonel."

She managed to look at him with a faint smile. "Thank you, sir."

McMurphy's

0945 Hours

Mac sat down in front of the bar and stared at the bottles of liquor. It would be so easy to lose herself in the alcohol. Right about now, she'd do anything to forget the news of Harm.

"What will it be, miss?" the bartender asked.

"Tonic water with a squeeze of lime."

"Coming right up, Colonel."

Mac didn't hear the man sit down beside her, but he was obviously in a friendly mood. "You look like you could use a friend right about now," he said.

"Excuse me?" That voice sounded so familiar to her. It almost sounded like. . .Harm. That couldn't be, because he was gone forever.

"You look like you could use a friend, ma'am."

"Harm," she whispered.

If he'd heard her, he showed no signs of it. "Commander Alex Michaels," he told her.

She glanced at him and had to suck in a breath. He even looked a little bit like Harm. She had to smile, because if this was some cruel trick someone was playing, they were awfully good at it.

"Colonel Sarah MacKenzie."

"I've heard about you," he said with a small smile.

"Sorry to say I haven't heard of you."

"Would you care to talk? You look lost," he said gently.

The bartender placed her drink on the bar, and she took a sip. "I'd just like to be alone."

"You want to talk to someone, though," he prodded.

"I'm sure you mean well, but I'd like to be alone with my thoughts, Commander."

"Understood, ma'am." He knew he might be pushing his luck, but he went with his instinct anyway. "Who do you talk to, Sarah?" he asked.

The minute she heard her given name, it was like a knife through her heart. The man who had the privilege of calling her Sarah was gone from her life, and this stranger thought he had the right to call her Sarah? He sure had a lot of nerve.

"I used to talk to my friend Harm," she found herself admitting.

"Something happen to him?" he asked as gently as possible.

"He went to Iran in February. . .we just got word today that he was. . .he was. . .killed," she whispered.

"I'm sorry," Alex said.

"Me, too," she said with a small smile.

"I was right."

"About what?"

"That you wanted to talk."

"You may think this is strange, but you remind me of him. Not that you look much like him, but you sound like him."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"I really should get back to work," Mac said with a sigh.

"Same here. I'm replacing a commander at JAG."

Mac managed to hide her shock at his admission, but was proving unsuccessful. She knew the commander he was talking about. It wasn't hard to figure it out really. Commander Alex Michaels was replacing Harm. No one could ever do that.

February 23, 2004

1330 Hours

JAG HQ

Mac's Office

A year ago today Harm had gone to Iran. Try as hard as she might, Mac couldn't let go of the feeling that Harm wasn't dead. There was no hollow feeling inside her, and she knew if he was dead, there would be an emptiness inside her.

What was she supposed to do? Go to Iran and find him? Asking for time off was likely to put her on the admiral's bad side. However, she had to find the truth - no matter what it took.

Admiral's Office

"Enter," was AJ's reply to Mac's knock.

"Sir, I'd like to request leave. I was hoping to take a trip."

"You wouldn't want to go to Iran, would you?"

"Yes, I would, Admiral."

"I'm guessing this isn't your choice of a vacation spot," he commented with an amused smile.

"All I want is the truth. I owe that much to Harm, sir."

"You'll go without my permission, so I might as well give it to you."

"Thank you, sir."

"You should take Webb with you, Colonel. He may have some inside information."

"Harm and I are going to end up owing him for the rest of our lives," she said with a smile.

"You have a point, Colonel."

1400 Hours

Mac's Apartment

Mac was almost finished with her packing, and Webb had reluctantly agreed to make the trip with her. He'd secured two seats to Iran and his latest information told him that Harm was in one of three possible hospitals.

February 25, 2004

0630 Hours

Unknown Hospital

Iran

Thankfully, the first stop the pair made produced some results. A translator just happened to be available, and he was able to get information on a Commander Harmon Rabb that had been with them for about eight weeks.

Room 415

The minute Mac stepped into the room and saw Harm lying in the bed, the tears she'd been holding at bay slid freely down her cheeks. It was a mix of relief and happiness.

"I'll leave you two alone," Webb said as he watched Mac walk to the side of the bed.

"Thanks, Webb," Harm said quietly.

Mac reached down and squeezed Harm's hand. "It's really you," she whispered.

"I made a promise to you when I left all those months ago. I was just trying to keep it," he said with a smile.

"And I made a promise to you when I got the news that you were killed that I was going to find the truth."

"Is that what they told you?" he asked, shocked.

"Yeah, but I didn't believe it. You and I have a strong bond, Harm, and I knew if you were dead I would have felt differently. I would have felt. . ." her words trailed off as he looked at her.

"Empty," he finished.

"Reading my mind again, are you?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Would it bother you too much if I were?" he challenged teasingly.

"That depends. What am I thinking right now?"

"Probably the same thing I am. How good it would feel if I were to do this," he whispered just before he kissed her.

When the need for air came, they pulled apart and looked at each other. She smiled at him and then said, "You're pretty good at that."

"Sometimes I think I know you better than I know myself," he said quietly before kissing her once more.

Their minds went to a few verses of a song they had once heard. It fit so perfectly with all that they had been through the last year.

Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,  
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true  
If I only had one more day

I'd jump at the chance  
We'd drink and we'd dance  
And I'd listen close to your every word,  
As if its your last, I know its your last,  
Cause today, oh, you're gone.

The Calling, "Could It Be Any Harder"

The End

19


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